


Nonsense Speaker

by lilacnightmares



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Another Story (Mystic Messenger), Anxiety Attacks, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Family Issues, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Isekai, Reader exists alongside Saeran, Separation Anxiety, Spoilers for Ray Route, The description is quite literal, Transported to another world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacnightmares/pseuds/lilacnightmares
Summary: One day, there was nothing, and the next, you awoke to find yourself seeing through the eyes of Saeran Choi.Work from Tumblr.
Relationships: Choi Saeran & Reader
Kudos: 29





	Nonsense Speaker

One day, everything was just dark for a very long time. 

Then, it was like that darkness was gone just as soon as it had taken you underneath its control for the first time. You did not recall what had happened nor did you know why you felt the way that you did. It seemed like there was a part of you that was missing but you couldn’t quite put your finger on what that was. 

As a matter of fact, you couldn’t feel your own hand. 

You tried to move something, anything, but there was nothing to move, nothing to touch, and nothing to feel. However, you did have the ability to see and to hear, and it would only take a few months for you to realize what had happened. Well, you did not know for sure, but what you did know was—

The body that you now inhabited did not whatsoever belong to you. It belonged to someone else, who happens to be named Choi Saeran. You had heard that woman say the name the instance the body let out a tiny little cry in the dead of night. Well, she did not say it, she shouted it, in angry rage to “be quiet!” 

It startled you, and you couldn’t help but grit your teeth and feel disdain for the owner of that voice in the other room. You did not want to believe it, but the body that you now existed in was that of a boy that you had adored and loved in another time and another place. It was a boy in a dating simulator that had gone through unspeakable pain. 

You had longed to help him, to make him feel comforted in his moments of need, but you had dared not imagine that one day you would be given that chance. For a long time, you could do absolutely nothing. You were but consciousness in this body along for the ride as Saeran steadily grew up. 

He was a lonely child, even with his twin brother, Saeyoung with him. You had wished that you could comfort him, that you could comfort both of them as they clutched onto each other but you couldn’t connect to him. You tried for a long time to speak to Saeran but it seemed like he never heard a word. 

It was agony to exist without being spoken to for nearly ten years. 

Yet, you were always there, waiting for a moment to speak up and care for him. It was all you ever wanted to do… to let him know that he had never truly been alone in this place. Well, one day you got that wish. Saeyoung had started to leave more much often, you knew that he had found the cathedral. 

He would spend time going there to learn as much as he could. 

He was trying to save himself and his brother the right way, but that meant leaving Saeran behind for a little while so he could do that. When that horrid woman wasn’t in a drunken stupor and out of her wits, she would get bored and lash out at Saeran. Right now, he was huddled in on himself with a thin blanket wrapped around his shoulders that Saeyoung had left him. 

His body still very frail, and tiny, shivering in the cold air of the winter as it poured in through the cracks of the tiny house. Today, he had been trying to keep himself warm. His mother had yelled at him earlier that morning to quiet down when his teeth couldn’t stop chattering against one another. 

There was a quiet and muffled cry as he tried to cover his sounds. You only wished you could hold him, “It’s going to be okay, Saeran,” you murmured, knowing that your voice would not reach him. 

Saeran suddenly recoiled and looked around the room with wide eyes. His voice almost betrayed him by speaking louder than he was supposed to, “ _ Who was that _ ?!”

Having realized that you may have been heard by another person for the first time in such a long time, you almost cried yourself. “...Did you hear me?” you breathed, almost unsure of your own voice. 

Saeran nodded his head. His fingers still trembled and he tried to see if anyone was in the room with him. “Are you a… spirit or something?” 

Mustering the most gentle laugh, you tried to imagine yourself shaking your head to reassure him of that fear. “No, I’m no spirit. I promise. But, I am here with you… I’ve been looking over you for a while now, it must be pretty scary to be here alone right now, huh?” 

The sound of his sniffles was wiped away as he rubbed at his eyes to get rid of his tears once again. He would do that often before Saeyoung got home so he would worry his brother over nothing. Saeyoung would never say anything about it but he would sit down next to him and wrap his arms around him.

It made your stomach twist, well, if you had a stomach anymore. 

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I miss Saeyoung. He’s been gone for a really long time.”

“He’ll be back before you know it,” you told him. “He always does, remember? He’s just got a few errands to take care of. Right now, I’m with you, and you’re not alone. It may not be much but I’ll keep you company as long as you want me around.”

“...” His vision rested on the dirt-covered floor as he weighed your words. “Why would you do something like that for me? Mom says that… I’m no good. That I don’t deserve to have friends or people who care about me.” 

You had to hold back the vitriol you held for that woman. This was a child, just a little boy who did not know any better than what he had been put through you. What he had been forced to see and what he had gone through. He deserved to be cared for and well taken care of. Everyone had a right to that. 

“Well,” you started to say. “I want to be your friend, Saeran. I don’t care what your mom said at all. I think you’re really brave. You try to stay strong even though you’re scared, and you don’t ask Saeyoung for anything when you want something. You’re really selfless. It’s something to be admired, not hated.”

He sat there for a long time as he tried to understand those words. You may have been in his head but you didn’t have access to his thoughts. There would be an occasional whisper or two but the voice that spoke did not sound like you, or like Saeran. You weren’t sure what that was but you did your best to focus on him, and not the void around you. 

Saeran’s hands rested against his lap, “How do you know all this stuff? You don’t work for my dad, do you?”

“I promise I don’t. I’m more like… a guardian angel,” you decided on the spot. “That is someone that looks over another person when they’re lonely and need a friend. I haven’t been able to talk to you for a long time but I’ve always been here, watching over you. You’ve never truly been by yourself, Saeran. So, what do you say? Can we be friends?” 

Saeran has never spoken to anyone in his life apart from Saeyoung and his mother. He’s never had a friend but he’s always wanted one. He’s always wondered what it would be like to have a life on the outside. Saeyoung’s whispers of the outside world made him daydream of endless rows of green and blue all over the place. 

“Okay,” he said, quietly. “But, it has to be a secret.” 

“I understand,” you replied. “You wouldn’t want anyone to find out. You’re looking out for me, too, huh?” 

Saeran didn’t respond but he did lay back on the floor with the blanket curled over him as much as possible. It was stiff and small but it was all that he had. He didn’t have a lot but what he did have, he coveted and held close to himself like a treasure. He was so cold and tired. It was easier to try to sleep on days like this. 

So, you hummed a lullaby that you remembered that your own guardian used to sing for you when you were younger as he tried to get some rest. It took some time, but he slowly drifted off, feeling much safer than he had prior. Tears gone for now but likely not for long. This moment of reprieve was perfect, however. 

From that point on, Saeran could always hear you talk to him. He developed a fast friendship with you and focused on the stories you would tell him and the songs you would sing to him when he was scared. When things got scary, or when Saeyoung wasn’t there, or when that woman was at her worst, he turned to you for help. 

You gave him everything that you had and more. 

It wasn’t much, but he told you often that your voice made him feel less frightened. He felt like he was alone in the dark for so long, but your voice felt like the warmth he wanted. For a very lonely boy, it didn’t take a lot to make him feel better. 

There was quite literally, nowhere for you to be except for with Saeran. You wouldn’t have left his side for a minute regardless. 

The years steadily began to pass one by one as the boys grew older and the tension they felt from their mother. The closer they got to adulthood, the closer that she realized that either they would run off, or their father would end them. Her actions, physical and verbal, grew to be impossibly unbearable. 

Saeran clutched onto you as much as he could inside his own head. 

Then, Saeyoung disappeared. 

You knew where he had gone but you could not tell Saeran that fact. 

So, you did your best to ease his discomfort but he was struggling. Fifteen, afraid, and without anyone to hold onto when he was scared. You could not hold him. Your voice was all that he had his own arms tucked around himself. Yet, he never complained or whined about a thing. He was grateful that he still had one person with him that cared. 

“I promise I won’t leave you, Saeran. I know you’re scared but we’re together. It’s going to be okay.” 

Not to your surprise, V and Rika found themselves at the front door of the house not long after, and they spoke to his mother. They smoothed over things with her and convinced her while she was in a stupor that Saeran needed to leave the house during the day. 

He would be protected by the church for much of the time, and she wouldn’t have to contend with him. 

Saeran stared at those two from his space in the corner of the room. He did not know them but a chance for him to leave? A chance for him to see the sun again? As scared as he was of his own father, the temptation to not be trapped with that woman anymore was dangled on a string in front of him. 

He seemed scared to take the hand of Kim Jihyun. 

“You can trust him,” you whispered to him. “He is the one you can trust.” 

Saeran had never doubted you, and he would begin now. So, he took the hand of the man and started a new routine. He would spend hours at the church every day with Jihyun or with Rika watching over him. It was nice to see them, nice to have other people to talk to for once in his life. 

He discovered a newfound love for nature and he dreamed of eating up the meaning of every single flower that he came across. He would whisper to them as if they were also his friends, and you would tell him what you could remember of their meanings. Sometimes, V would chime in and tell him too. 

That life felt good to him. 

But, just as quickly as it started, it changed again. 

His mother, the woman he was scared of but the only one he had left that he could see with his own eyes, disappeared one day. He didn’t know where she had gone, just as he did not know where Saeyoung had gone. Jihyun always alluded to Saeyoung being okay but it was hard for him to believe that. 

V and Rika took him in and he started living with them from that moment on. They were nice and all, but everything had changed. V would spend more time away from home and he would be alone with Rika. She wasn’t so bad and he liked when she was kind to him but there was just something about the way she talked—

He could tell that you didn’t trust that woman. 

Even if you didn’t say it. 

Saeran wanted to be with his brother, he wanted to see Jihyun again, and he wanted to feel like everything was okay again. It just didn’t feel okay. No matter how much you were there for him, his tears would not stop. He just felt so tired, scared, and alone. It came to a point where he stopped being wary of Rika. 

She would wrap her arms around him so snuggly. It felt warm. Her words of comfort and ease would make him feel better and he felt like his wariness had been misplaced. He leaned into her support more and more. You could do nothing but advise him to be careful and to take care of himself as the days passed. 

However, it seemed like Rika’s voice was starting to grow much louder than your voice. Saeran would turn to her when he cried, even after you tried to comfort him. It was clear that he just really needed a hug and someone to be there for him in that way. You knew that and you were still kind to him no matter who he turned to. 

Your hope was that things would be different in this universe. 

That hope would be dashed just as quickly as it came into life. 

Saeran wasn’t always trapped in the secluded house that he lived in with Rika and Jihyun. He could still venture out to the church that he had gone to all those times at least once or twice a week. It wasn’t all that far of a walk but he liked to be among nature and free. It was the one thing that he got to choose for himself. 

Today, was one of those particular days, and Saeran found himself sitting in the dirt underneath the morning sun as he watched the clouds roll by. Saeran was excited about the prospect of the day ahead because Jihyun had promised that he would return on this day to pick him up from the lonely cathedral. 

He would see his guardian again, and perhaps they would get to talk about this big surprise that he had been planning for the summer. Jihyun hadn’t given him a single hint from when he asked but he had some guesses for what it could be. His birthday was coming up soon, and maybe he would get to see his brother again! 

You weren’t sure, either, but you did smile and listen to all of his educated guesses as he sat outside and thought. 

“What if it’s ice cream?” 

“Haha, that would be nice, Saeran! I bet if it was, it would be your favorite kind. Oh! Or maybe it would be a kind you haven’t tried before.” 

“...I’d like that.”

All and all, it felt like a really good day. 

At least, it was until Jihyun never showed up. It hadn’t been the first time someone had left him but it stung horribly. He held back his tears and went home that night to go straight to bed. It had upset him, and you understood that pain. He didn’t talk much after that but you did your best to keep his mind off of things. 

He went to sleep not long after, and it should have been the next morning when he awoke, but it was not. There were cold fingertips pressed against his shoulders and green eyes staring down at him with such a strange expression. 

Saeran sat up to see Rika looking at him.

“Saeran,” she said, her smile not meeting her eyes. “You need to get up. I know you were sad about V from coming home today, but that’s because he had a few more things to take care of for work. But, guess what? We’re going to surprise him. We have to travel someplace that is a bit far from here so we need to go on.” 

Saeran wasn’t sure about that. 

Neither were you. 

“Come on, Saeran,” she insisted. “You wouldn’t want to make us late.” 

That was when it hit you what was happening and the panic started to rise in the back of your head rather quickly. If this was what you thought it was, you needed to get Saeran to get out of this place and away from this woman. 

“Saeran, something isn’t right,” you say, voice tight. “Rika doesn’t do stuff like this. V would have called if something happened and he was going to be gone longer. I know he didn’t show up today but he always calls to apologize.” 

Saeran was torn between listening to you and listening to Rika. In the end, he was scared and too afraid to say anything against the orders that Rika gave to him that night. He nervously took the hand of the woman that was supposed to take care of him in spite of you telling him that he had to get in touch with Jihyun. 

**“Now, Saeran!”**

He could not fight a loud voice. 

The instant that Saeran got into the car, he was put into the backseat of the car with a blindfold over his eyes. Rika’s excuse was to tell him that even the location they were going to was a big secret for him too. Saeran was afraid of the dark but he bit his tongue and did as she asked of him even as his panic started to rise. 

Something really wasn’t right. 

The whispers that you had heard most often when he was a child started to pick up again. It felt like an itch that you could feel now. The voice was slowly but surely becoming unmuddled but you still could not understand the words. It did not sound like you. It did not sound like Saeran. It was something else. 

You couldn’t just disregard it. 

But, you focused so much of yourself on Saeran and trying to help him stay calm, even as that sound was brewing behind you. 

“Saeran, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.” 

“...” 

“We’re going to be okay. I know it’s scary, but you’re brave, remember? Can you move right now or is it too scary?” 

He was unresponsive. 

“Saeran… it’s okay. We’ll figure something out together, you just have to be brave for me, and for you. You can do that. I believe in you. So, hold on tight. We’ll figure out what’s going on and we’ll find a way to fix it.” 

You were trying to reassure him but at the same time, you were trying to reassure yourself the same way. You had no idea what she was going to do and you had no power over any of Saeran’s actions. You were but a passenger in the back of his mind, unable to find yourself to do anything but watch.

This was not the fate you wanted for him. 

You thought that things could change if you helped, but fate had other plans in store for the boy that you adored so much. It angered you but what could you do? What could you do but watch and speak to him? That stormy feeling burned at you. 

Burned at the cusp of your heels. 

It all became too much for Saeran and he wound up falling back asleep in the back of the car, only to wake up on a cold cellar floor hours later with no explanation and nothing but the darkness all around him. 

You tried to help, again, but there was nothing that you could do for him. That murmur behind was almost crystal clear now but not quite. The feeling that it held was very strong and it felt a lot like the anger and fear that you were feeling in your bones. 

“I’m scared… Y/N,” he managed. 

“I know, Saeran,” you whispered. “Be brave. You are brave. Stay strong for me.” 

“I’m not, I can’t—” His panicked breath is starting to churn faster, faster, faster, and faster. It’s becoming too much for him to handle and you pushed at your confines trying to take over for him but it was seemingly no use for you. 

It wouldn’t work. There had been one time when he was dreaming when it felt like you had control but it had only been a second. 

You didn’t know how to fix it or do that again. But, sitting here and doing nothing was not going to protect this boy. 

“I need to do something, I have to protect him—” you strained. 

Bright lights alluded the darkroom all at once and it made Saeran wined and clutch at his head, tightly. When he looked up and his blurry vision started to make sense again… he saw that Rika was standing in front of him and there were strangers in the room as well. 

They did not look like anyone he knew. 

“What’s happening?” he tried, but no one listened to him. His voice came out as a whimper and croak that barely made sense. 

Rika leans down to cup his hands in her hands. It’s so cool to the touch that Saeran nearly recoils from her grasps. She’s still smiling at him as if she knows something that he does not know. He opens his mouth to speak but she shakes her head at him. 

“Don’t worry, Saeran. I know you’re frightened but I’m going to make it all better from here on out,” her tone is that same sugary sweet tone she would use to coax him from his nightmares. “I just need you to take something for me. It will help you calm your nerves and feel much better than you do right now.”

Saeran isn’t even sure if he’s speaking anymore, and it seemed like his body was about to go limp from fear, “ _ Ready _ ? Ready for what?!”

Not that, anything but that.

You push harder and harder and harder, but nothing. 

“No, no, no—” you strained. 

Then, all of a sudden, the voice that had been far away from you was now next to you and you could feel a presence next to you for the first time.

It felt familiar but at the same time, it felt as though it was different than that. 

You turned your head in what had long been darkness around you apart from what you say from Saeran’s eyes. 

There he was. 

The man that the voice belonged to. 

The voice that was not yours and was not Saeran’s. 

He looks at you, and you look at him. There’s a glimmer in his eyes that seems resolute and yet, thankful for what you had done. He looks in front of himself again and takes a step forward into that darkness and out inside the light. 

His voice resounds throughout the space that you exist in its state of invalidity and yet, from the outside, it sounds like Saeran’s. 

But, it is  _ not  _ Saeran. 

“Why?” you whisper, unsure of what he’s trying to do and yet, knowing all the same what  **_Ray_ ** is trying to do. He did what you craved to do and did not fight what was going to happen to him for what he did. 

"I have to take it," is what you feel,  _ not hear _ . “He can’t hurt anymore, Y/N. I can’t let him hurt anymore. I have to do this.”

And then, there is nothing but pain. 


End file.
